Twenty-one years ago may seem like a lifetime, but it went by so fast. I was just barely nineteen, and scheduled for a C-section, because my baby, the one that I was so desperately tried to find out his or her gender, was breach and measuring over 10 lbs. Like I said, I was nineteen. I knew NOTHING about birth or life for that matter. I was still a child myself. It was recommended that I have a C-section because he was breach and big. I remember being so angry that I would not be the first person to hold my baby. And as sweet and loving as my family was, at nineteen hearing them brag about how they were the first to hold him was a slap in the face to me. Childbirth was such a different experience then.
The way he came into this world, was in no way an indication of the man he has become. He can be stuborn, I’ll give him that. He gets that from his Mama. In all the chaos, drama and uncertainty, he is the most laid back person I know. Growing up he has always been that way, which was a blessing for me. He took all our moves, our struggles, our adventures, everything in stride.
We grew up together. It was just us. I think of it now, when I turned twenty-one, he was 2 years old. Our life was tough, there was no doubt about that. I struggled financially, working as many as 3 jobs at one time and going to school, but we always seemed to manage. I made my fair share of mistakes, but not once, did I ever not have his best interest at heart.
Over the past few years, it’s been an interesting transition in our parent/child relationship. One that I really cherish. To see him with his own life, making his way in the world and how successful he is at the tender age of twenty-0ne, I am beyond proud. He has a strong work ethic, incredibly intelligent, and the deepest compassion for all living things. He dreams big, and when others around us doubts his thinking, I say go for it! Not without my logical two cents of course, I am still is Mama after all. 🙂 There is a great big world out there, and if we live in fear of “what if something goes wrong?” We will never have the experience if it goes right. And if it does go wrong, beautiful transformations happen out of that. The universe has a plan, everything works out the way it suppose too. This is a lesson, I have learned many times over raising this boy. Whenever I doubted myself, my parenting abilities or my ability to provide for us, I just trusted that things would work out the way it was meant to be.
Our relationship now has bloomed into this amazing friendship. I love him so deeply and am so proud of the man his is. He is such an amazing human being and someone I would choose to spend time with, even if he wasn’t my child. I guess that when you know you’ve done an ok job at parenting.
In honor of Evan’s birthday, I always post a poem I wrote back when he was 10-11 years old. This is the way I will always see my boy. I wish for you a beautiful life, full of love, magic and fulfilled dreams. Dream big and go after whatever it is you want in life. And always know that Mama will save you if that puddle is ever too deep! I love you Bud!!! xoxoxo
Cover chubby knees
On apple cheeks
Wagon full of rock and mud
Trudging through the driveway flood
Giggles explode at worms in hand
I laugh at you from the porch where I stand
Wagon pulled with dirty hands
Scooping mud into coffee cans
One last time
In the puddle you leap
Knowing mama will save you
If it’s too deep
Brown eyes twinkle
With a devilish stares
Puddle jumping in your underwear