New moons are a great time to plan, manifest and create. March 2017 new moon is in Aries. Aries energy is all about taking action and starting fresh. It is time to turn over a new page in the book of your life.
The theme that has been present for me recently, is the need to create space for cultivating a new relationship with my deceased paternal grandfather. He has been very present in my life lately. Most recently, this past week at a Shamanic Plant Spirit Journey class. The plant that was chosen for us to journey with was tobacco. Tobacco makes me think of Gramp, who passed away in 2003 after a long battle with lung cancer. I happened to bring the blanket from the camp, my grandparents owned and I spent many summer at. As I laid wrapped in the embrace of that blanket, listening to the beat of the drum, I could smell his cigars, and feel his essences. I was able to take home some tobacco seeds, and I planted the seeds in his honor. This gives me the visual representation of how I am changing our relationship and only holding space for love.
Even when our loved ones pass, we can still maintain and heal our relationships with them. Dr. Steven Farmer wrote Healing Ancestral Karma: Free Yourself From Unhealthy Family Patterns. A wonderful book on healing the relationship not only with our deceased loved one’s, but he explains how to hereditary traits and characteristics effects your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. It offers practical steps and exercises to help clear emotional baggage that is carried from generation to generation.
How we learn to be in the world, including how we love and interact with others, is shaped by the behaviors that are modeled by our caretakers and loved ones. As I became an adult, I found it difficult to express love, emotions and NEVER risked being vulnerable with others! The unspoken philosophy in my family was that you never asked for what you needed, you just accepted was was given and be thankful for that. Over the past 3 years, I have worked on finding my voice and speaking my truth. What I have found in this journey, is that my relationships are deeper, meaningful and connected. I FEEL safe in asking for what I want and need. My goal is to change my family’s philosophy for my own children and for myself. So that we can feel safe and supported in life, speak our truth, and be our authentic selves. Something we ALL deserve.
My Gramp was a hard man to love, and to receive love from. He had his own way of showing it, which was usually loud, rough, harsh and full of relentless teasing. As a child I was scared of him, but loved him so deeply. When I was around him, I did my best to keep my myself small, shrugging my shoulder to protect my neck, or whatever I could do to keep him from grabbing my ears or nose, or throwing hurtful comments at me. That impulse to protect myself is still so present in my body today. I often find that I shrug my shoulder when someone walks behind me, and my ears are probably the most sensitive part of my body, and do not tolerate sound or touch well.
Over the past several months of reflecting on our relationship, what I have come to realize, is that we are all doing the best that we can with the skills and copping mechanisms that we developed through the course of our lives. Each generation tries harder for the next generation. I know I was loved by my grandfather, maybe it wasn’t the way I needed to be loved. I was a child and not able to advocate for what I needed. Even if I could, I would have been to afraid too. It was the best he could do, the best I could do, and that was enough!
So for this new moon, I am creating space to love openly, unconditionally and without judgement. Accepting what is, and let go of the expectation of what could never be. I wrote a letter to Gramp, letting him how much I love and miss him. I let everything out in that letter. I burned my letter to Gramp, and released the sadness, fear and unfilled expectations I had. My focus is to create a space for love and peace, to honor Gramp’s memory, for all his hard work, his version of love and his devotion to his family. I am letting go the disappointment of needing or wanting him to be someone different. During his life, he did the best he could, and that was enough!
After burning the letter, I planted the tobacco, while thinking of all the good memories of my grandfather. Only holding love and compassion in that space. I had a little gnome figurine to hang off the side of the planter, which I accidentally dropped and broke the arm off. I was going to throw the gnome away since it was broken, but realized it was a lesson. He was not perfect, but still functional and his sweet face smiling hanging off the planter, made me smile. He was also a reminder that with his imperfection, he was enough.
New Moon Prayer:
Under this new moon, I release the pain that I have been carrying in my heart, soul, and body. I let go of the agendas and expectations of how I expect others to show up in life. I release the harsh judgment give myself and others, and live with a compassionate heart. I allow forgiveness to grow in the place of the resentment, and love in the place of heartache.
~Let it Be~
New Moon Blessing,