Free Spirit Wellness, what does that mean to me? That means living your most authentic life in balance. BALANCE is different for everyone.
Lately I have not been living a very authentically or in balance. I’ve been finding myself questioning how I got to this very point in my life? What I am SUPPOSE to be doing with my life? I should have this all figured out by now! I thought I would spend my life advocating for animals. Now 4 ½ years out of animal welfare, a non-vegan due to health issues, the dust has settled and the realization that I cannot go back to animal care or advocacy is real to me. Now I have to figure out what the next phase of life is. I always thought I would go back after some time off, but I know that is not going to be a possibility for me.
I haven’t been happy for a very long time. My soul has felt a little lost. I guess a bit out of place in this world I am navigating without animals. For the past 4 years, I have filled my life with distractions. Well maybe distractions isn’t the best word to use for having a baby, trying to become a surrogate, health coaching school, among other certification and good deeds… however meaningful they were, for me, they were distractions. With the loss of my dog this past year, the last physical connection to my animal welfare work, so many unresolved issues have come to the surface. Things feel so out of control and it’s time to put the shit kickers on and dealing with things in a more productive and self-loving way!
I stood in my kitchen a few days ago, just starring and the STUFF accumulated in my living space. Chaos surrounds me in my home life, work life, financial life, it has a grasp on every aspect in life. It feels like I am being swallowed up by this mayhem. (Side note- I have not reach hoarder status by any means… yet) I have reached my breaking point. I HAVE had enough. I keep asking why I continuously attract more chaos and disorganized people into my life? I keep thinking “I can help them,” being a Capricorn and all. But the epiphany I had in this moment while looking at all my stuff, I NEED TO HELP MYSELF FIRST! The fundamental foundation of self-care…. You can’t help others, until you take care of yourself first!! Put your life preserver on Jen…. here we go!
My plan is for the next 28 days, to detox/declutter STUFF that isn’t serving me. Whether that is clutter or unused items in my home, apps on my phone, people that are negative, whatever it may be, something every day is moved out of my life. My hope is that over the next 28 days, things will be more organized; I’ll have clarity, a sense of direction for my next phase in life, but most of all – happiness.
I’ve been battling some health issues lately and I believe this is the catalyst to me wanting to get rid of everything. Not having the energy to push through to get things done, things pilling up, people being let down, things setting in limbo, and the list goes on. What it has made me realize, is STUFF TAKES ENERGY. To move it, to use it, to clean it, to let it sit in your space, it all takes energy. I want a life that I can freely move through, without needing to tend to stuff. Stuff clogs up the spaces in your home, your phone, your mind, your emotions and sucks up your precious time.
Why do we need all this stuff? DISTRACTION!!! At least for myself. Art projects that never get picked up again. Books that I’ll never read or will read again. Facebook and Instagram, an enormous time suck. Scrolling through people’s photos, dreaming of how my life “should be,” rather than living the life I have and creating the life I want.
It’s all a distraction from digging in deep and processing the uneasy feelings and emotions of daily life, working through the unresolved trauma, dealing with finances, having hard conversation with loved one, or having intimate and vulnerable conversations with partners.
Over my career in animal welfare I was good at distracting myself from “normal life.” Every waking part of my day was planned around my cases, or animals I was caring for at the shelter. Putting my energy into animals, gave me the perfect excuse not to deal with the underlying hurt and trauma of my teenage years. Oh yes, my layers go deep! I think this is why so many of us come to work in the animal welfare field. That’s a topic for another time 😊
So for the next 28 days, I will not take on any more responsibilities, (aka sign up for any classes). I will say NO. A LOT!!! 😊 I will set boundaries and stick to them. Every day something must leave my house and nothing new may come in, unless at least 2 things leave in its place. I will look at my bank account every day, and follow my budget. No social media. 10 minutes or more of meditation per day. Dance to at least 2 songs per day. And write. Write whatever comes ups. Write the hurt, the pain, the shame and guilt. Write the funny stories, the enlightening powerful moving moments. Write the love. Write the reasons. Write their stories, so they are not forgotten. Rewrite the endings. Just write. And then share.
So for the next 28 days, I plan to journal the process of detoxing my life. The good, the bad and the ugly. I’m sure there will be lots of bad and ugly. (Especially, spelling and grammatical error). So put on your shit kicker and life preservers and join me for this journey.
In Light and Magic